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So evening all, I’ve had one of the best and worst days.
Meeting with Jacob, Emily, etc was great, but walking up towards primark I had an agonising urge to jump off of the balcony – I peered over the edge, and my stomach sank, knowing that it was a bad thought, but something I really wanted, at the same time.
Obviously I didn’t, and enjoyed the day, mainly sat in the same place as Thursday in the food court.
Apart from the horrible suicidal thoughts, life’s good.
Been a rough couple weeks. Had my ups and downs as usual, mostly bring downs.
Tonight is probably going to be my second night with paperclips because I seriously cannot be fucked with this anymore. I’m a waste to people, and really just don’t deserve anything. I want to feel the pain, I want to hurt myself.
Thanks for reading this shit whoever you are, it means a lot to know someone’s listening.
Emily is amazing and not a bitch. Also, Jacob is hot.
Nothing depressing 😦
I. Love. My. Life.
So what is this, around an hour after my last upload, and I’m feeling 1000% worse. Mother has recently stressed that I should be off of my pc by half nine, and in bed by 10. I was not. I was instead laying on my bed for about an hour until 11, when she comes up, and I fake having been asleep the past hour, but she’s not a twat and realises I’m lying.
I then go on to say I was about to go to sleep and all that bullshit when we then have a go at each-other, and I slam my door before being swiftly told it woke my sister up, which I obviously couldn’t care less about at this point.
She then kept saying I need to go to bed and to make the most of being on my phone this late tonight because she’s taking it tomorrow, which I honestly doubt. Either way, she’s pissed off, and it’s completely ruined the best day I’ve had in such a long time.
Well today was delightful. Started off by playing R6S at 1 in the morning, woke up at 10, got out of bed at 11, and met up with only Jacob because Emily’s mother decided to book a Mother’s Day lunch out which she was forced to go to, which lead Mark not want to third wheel by the sounds of it, but it was still a really nice couple of hours.
Since I have done shit homework, and regretted taking Geog GCSE but hey ho.
Nothing bad today really, been in a generally good mood.
So earlier today I realised how much these things are actually helping me, despite only having written like 2 of them.
Today’s been quite alright, woke up just hoping to get the day done, and mixed PE, which I hate, was just badminton which made it more bearable, also I didn’t get my French speaking.
Things with Lauren, who believe it or not dislikes her name, are much better than they were the other night after she supposedly realised how wrong she was, saying it was stress from the music comp. which I totally understand, but still take responsibility for all of it obviously.
All I want is to be able to talk to everyone openly and honestly with neither having any shit on the other, and it seems to be going alright.
Also, can’t wait for Sunday’s double date.
Ps. I just fell down the stairs and now I’m achey help